“Bro, there is no balance”- Furu (my housemate in Mexico)

Those words echoed through my soul. 

We were at an off-radar jungle rave in Tulum. Unprompted on the dance floor, Furu hit me with the balance paradox. 

It’s stuck with me ever since. 

Everyone thinks of something different when we hear the word “balance”. 

I think of finishing at the office at 5 pm and driving home in my Volvo. 

My therapist thinks of long periods of intense work followed by chilling in Hawaii for a month. 

Both can appeal to certain people. 

But in my humble opinion, we’ve got the wrong idea when it comes to balance. 

Because we want ALL the things. Not just one thing. 

But how we go about them is another question. 

Building a real estate business, running a 50km trail run or travelling the world and finding the best coffee in each city. 

I’ve done all of those things. I can tell you that I didn’t have balance as a priority. 

The alternative to balance

Instead of aiming for perfect balance, I focus on these 3 things: 

1/ Going deep

Deep focus on a big overarching goal is what creates outsized outcomes. Most of the people you admire in a certain field are great at their craft. But likely terrible at most other things. 

When I built my real estate company, I wasn’t dating, socializing and training frequently. I was up late at night organizing projects, raising money and tenanting houses. 

The key is to have a cut-off point. This is where I do agree with my therapist. 

The athlete's approach of running sprints followed by deep rest produces the best results. 

After a crazy few months of building, I headed to Mexico on a one-way ticket. My workload recued to a few hours a day and I took things slowly for a while. 

I was able to do that because of the level of intensity beforehand. 

2/ Integrating

Sprints and deep focus are great in theory. But we all have life commitments which we’re still responsible for. 

Whether it’s family, a day job or a relationship. Most can’t abandon everything to all in on a single project for a few months. 

So how can you keep up with both? 

Integration.

What do I mean?

Training for a 3-hour marathon but need to spend time with your partner or friend? Bring them along for a run. 

Building a business? Have dinner with your network. 

By combining things you’re already doing with other commitments or values, it’s easier to keep up with everything. 

3/ Saying no. 

Saying no is the best productivity tool I’ve found. 

As a neurodivergent who loves shiny objects and is easily distracted. The word "no" has helped me stay on track. 

During a deep focus on a certain project, get used to saying no to everything else. Unless you can easily integrate it as mentioned above, park the idea. 

For me, I keep a “someday” list on the go. Here I dump all my ideas, thoughts or options which aren’t super relevant at the time but interest me. 

You can always revisit this list later. But committing to a single project will mean saying no to something else. 

You can have anything, just not all at once. 

Did I plan this out? No. 

When I look back at my proudest moments, they were a result of these 3 things. 

Living life in the “grey zone” of shallow work and experiences is my worst nightmare. 

I take pride and joy in the rich and deep experience of going all in on relationships, business building, and travel.

It can be a rollercoaster, but for me it’s built a life resume I’m proud of to date. 

If you want to do the same, figure out what's most important for you right now. Then apply each step.

By the way…

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Have a great week,

Tom ✌️

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